I think it's time I came out of my 'closet' (where I spend my days with numerous skeletons).
Have you ever had that experience where someone, for example, starts talking to you in a pub or somewhere and assumes you have the same beliefs as they do? A friend of mine once told me the story of how, whilst in Japan, he was approached by some American jock who extended his hand and said, "Hi, my name's Brad, and I hate fags. What state are you from?" (Why are they always called 'Brad'?)
To which my friend replied, "I'm from the one attached to France by a tunnel", and was accused, hilariously, of having "bad attitude".
Okay, so you understand the kind of situation I mean.
I find myself constantly in that situation, but not with regard to racism or homophobia. I don't know what it is about me – I suppose I have an air of mixed intellectualism and existential angst or something – but people always seem to assume I am an atheist. I'm not, okay? Please don't approach me with the assumption that I share your beliefs; it's embarrassing for both of us. The fact is, I really, really dislike talking about my 'beliefs' when I'm face to face with people, and only really do it selectively in writing. So, most of the time, when people assume I'm atheist (which they always do) I just nod along with them. I'm sure it's not the intention of the other person (??), but I always feel browbeaten in such situations. How is it, I wonder, that someone who professes to have no beliefs is so very confident in their beliefs that they will talk to me like this and steamroller any opinons I might have? The more they talk, going into great detail about what pernicious and deluded fools people are not to be atheists, the less inclined I am to confess that I am one of those pernicious and deluded fools. Look, talk to me by all means, but just don't assume I'm an atheist. You can think I'm an idiot or a lunatic for not being an atheist, if you like, as I've noticed atheists always do, but just don't assume I'm atheist. Is that okay?
I'm sure there will be many people now who immediately assume that I'm a Christian – that's the kind of world we live in. Not an atheist? When did you find God?
No, I'm not a Christian, either. Confusing, eh? Does not compute.
I'll tell you what confuses me – it's how people who can't understand others being comfortable with the restrictions of a label such as 'Christian', nevertheless feel comfortable with the label 'atheist'.
One reason I really, really don't like talking about my 'beliefs' as such, is that I don't really have beliefs. I have feelings and hopes and inclinations, but I'm pretty sure I know absolutely nothing. Another reason is, I know very well that I will be misunderstood.
For instance, some time back, I wrote somewhere on one of these blogs a kind of critique of science. Now, my good blogging friend, Lokutus Prime, seemed to take that to mean that I would like science eradicated from the world. That certainly had not been my intended meaning at the time. However, I'm beginning to wonder. I think that, if I have time, I should like to write a series of posts here about science and why I think it's crucial that its intellectual hegemony MUST be challenged.
Some time ago, my second collection of short stories, Morbid Tales, was reviewed by someone who made a number of erroneous assumptions about my influences. He deduced wrongly, for instance, the influence of Arthur Machen in a story called 'Far-Off Things'. He also seemed to think that I was influenced by Robert Aickman. This was impossible, in fact, because I had not even read any Robert Aickman at the time. I have now. I started reading him just this week. I have the collected stories in two volumes, as recently published by Tartarus Press.
At the beginning of the first volume there is a short essay by the author, apparently written on request "upon winning the award for Best Short Work for 'Pages from a Young Girl's Journal' at the First World Fantasy Awards".
I found this essay quite moving, if that is the correct word. At any rate, something in it struck a deep chord in me. I quote from the second paragraph:
I believe that at the time of the Industrial and French revolutions (I am not commenting upon the American one!), mankind took a wrong turning. The beliefs that one day, by application of reason and the scientific method, everything will be known, and every problem and unhappiness solved, seem to me to have led to a situation where, first, we are in danger of destroying the whole world, either with a loud report or by insatiable overconsumption and overbreeding, and where, second, everyone suffers from an existentialist angst, previously confined to the very few. There is a fundamental difference between worrying where one's next meal is coming from and worrying about the quality and reality of one's basic being. The great prophetic work of the modern world is Goethe's Faust, so little appreciated among the Anglo-Saxons. Mephistopheles offers Faust unlimited knowledge and unlimited power in exchange for his soul. Modern man has accepted that bargain.
The words have for me something of the power of someone's dying words. In fact they were written in 1976, five years before Robert Aickman's death in 1981. There is about these words a clarity both terrible and calm, as of someone who sees simply what is important and knows what he must say before he passes into the realm of shadows.
I am reminded, for some reason, of Dennis Potter's Cold Lazarus, the last screenplay he wrote before his death, written in the knowledge that he was dying. In it a writer, played by Albert Finney, has his head cryogenically frozen in the hope that he will be brought back to life in the future. He is, indeed, brought back to life, in a future where England is nothing but a concreted-over annexe of America, and the head of a media empire wants the writer's head in order to exploit the memories in his brain tissue as fodder for virtual reality.
Indeed, it is the writer's memories that are the most precious thing of all in a world where everything else of value has been concreted over. Finally, the writer pleads with one of the scientists, in whose keeping he is, to let him die. He spirals down a tunnel of light into the memories of his childhood, whether to find eternity or oblivion we do not know.
I have no hope in the future. I do not wish to live to see a world of nanotechnology, virtual reality, genetic modification, cloning and so on and so forth. I am simply waiting for the tunnel of light to take me back to memories of my childhood in the Devon countryside, when I did not know how lucky I was.
Q.,
I can emphasise with this sentence. In my case I usually try to ‘set out my stall’, present my view/philosophy and hope I can bring the reader with me, so to say. My motivations to write involve a certain amount of ‘self interest’, but I always regard any response or ‘feed-back as a ‘bonus’.
No. Nothing to do with the Taliban. Wytaliba is an infamous commune in Nthrn NSW and there just happenned to be some1 living there once with a name like yours. I couldnt help but ask as it is such a small world and the world wide web makes it so much smaller, sometimes. Happy memories be your gift.
the Noodle*…
My dear Quentin,
How I wish we could meet up for a pint and spend an hour or two discussing your fine ‘essay’. But since we cannot do this presently -though I hope we will do so in the not too distant future- I will have to content myself with presenting a rather longer response than my “Comment”, right now, allows; if only to give me further time to read your article again, prepare some notes and then get back to you.
I shall return (didn’t McArthur say this?; however, my return will not be aboard a battleship in a Japanese harbour, nor will I be dressed either in a bemedalled uniform -signifying a powerful hegemony, suitably arrogant, nor a black top hat with matching attire, signifying a formal surrender from a defeated side, suitably humbled) soon and offer my paltry opinions and muddled thoughts on what you have written.
Ah me, I almost forgot to say how much I enjoyed your article, with its cogent narrative and abundent information, so clearly laid out. But then, your literary skill is known to me and I have come to expect nothing less from you and thusfar have never been disappointed.
lokutus_prime
Bowler hats and eyeliner indeed; I live in a gay bank. No wait. I meant the thuggery after all.
Complex set of questions. At my less generous moments, I want to see most of neighbours lined up against a wall and shot to pieces, balls and all. At more generous moments, I might think about the decline of generational authority, tied up with the cult of youth, the legacy left by 90s fashionable hedonism on Friday night cultural life, McLuhanesque arguments that tie up tribalisation with technology and globalisation, that if education is still lamely tied up with an ethic of bodily docility, then it’s actually a good thing that that ethic is being undone – but just not in this way, Oh I don’t know. Chemical castration will never get through parliament. John “Two Jabs” Prescott would be too worried.
Are you a Buddhist then?
I did that test as part of my job, I’m an INFP apparently. I have some faith in it – I’m firmly N, and no-one would argue otherwise, pretty firmly I, but I think F & P for me are subject to change over time, according to the matter at hand, if that makes any sense. I mean somethings I will just Think and Judge about, probably after a lot of F’in’ and P’in’. I think stability over time is the main test of a personality test, so Myers-Briggs (it’s not Jung’s his-self, is it?!) is ok, but not great, imo.
To whom are you addressing your question?
Often, people’s views tend to lack subtletly, they tend to be forced into simplistic categories, this is a form of closure, often linked to a neat narrative structures; those without such constraints thus produce anxiety. Anyway.
Do you agree with that reading of Faust? It seems to me a very odd gloss indeed.
I take it the question is ironic.
But to take your question as if it were meant seriously, first of all, no, but secondly, I am interested in Buddhism. I tend to think, though, that my interest in it stems from the fact that I have not built up cultural immunity to it as I have with Christianity.
forgive the intrusion here,I dont mean to interrupt the thread (which seems non existent,apparently) but is this Quentin the same Quentin of Wytaliban legends? ….. now please continue your meanderings of mephistolean proportions…like maybe you’re just a person and such anonymous behaviour upsets those who are caught in the mainstream of labels and design and to be so is as threatening as being 1 that’s not part of the numeric equation.
Dear Dr Prime,
Wasn’t it Commodore Matthew Perry who said that? Perhaps it was McArthur, too.
A pint and discussion sounds like a very congenial suggestion.
I look forward to your further remarks on the subject. I intend, as I implied, to write further on the subject myself, when I get a bit of time.
Hello Eve.
Thanks for posting again.
I am actually in two minds about discussing such things as religion and politics, mainly because I don’t think I actually know anything.
I took Jung’s personality test recently, and I came out as, I think, Intuitive, Introspective, Thinking, Perceiving – INTP. The first two may be in reverse order.
A description of that personality type contained a very interesting observation, that the INTP type are thoroughly logical in their thinking, but are forever haunted by the idea that they might have missed some very important datum that renders their ideas invalid, and are therefore constantly qualifying their opinions.
This observation does feel right to me, although I don’t have much faith in personality tests generally.
Apparently I share a personality type with Socrates, Plato and Jung himself – architects who construct abstract models of existence and so on.
I should note that the ‘attacks’ that I make, for instance, on rational chauvinists and scientists are abstract or absolutist attacks, and not attacks on individual persons (apart from Francis Wheen and a few others). By which I mean although such abstract gods as rationalism and science do have a kind of existence, no one serves them totally. I am making my attack more on the god than the person who serves.
“Do you agree with that reading of Faust?”
I’m afraid that Faust remains on my ‘to be read’ list. From what little I know of the story, the interpretation seems reasonable, though obviously Goethe himself could not have been conscious of such a prophetic quality, or not to the degree that Aickman suggests the prophecy extends.
But the meanings of texts reveal themselves over time.
How would you interpret Faust, out of interest?
Well, it’s certainly true that no one has to visit my blog, and in that sense I hope I’m not imposing my views on anyone.
Then again, I don’t want to be too reasonable, either.
Anyway, thanks for reading.
Ha ha sorry I couldn’t resist it!
I agree 100% with your latest post, in fact this is the one and only subject on which I’ve found myself agreeing with Norman Tebbit, who said he regards atheism as an act of intellectual arrogance.
For me, atheism is in the same bracket as satanism – both of them define themselves in opposition to a (usually Christian) concept of ‘God’, which they thereby accept. All they are doing is taking the Christian belief and inverting it.
As if reality has anything to do with our beliefs (including our disbeliefs) about it.
HI Q,
Imposing? NO . it’s like people who complain about tv shows.. I say . if you don’t like them .. change the channel 🙂
Keep going Q, you’re the best !
Thanks Lokutus for guiding me to you 🙂
Eve
Very good Lokutus, I assume you’re calling my Buddhist bluff. Of course in the Buddhist universe there is ultimately no ‘Quentin’ there for me to address. So this blog is written by no-one. And these comments. No-one talking to no-one. Which sadly means ‘I’ can’t answer your question…
Bolwer hats and eye-liner?
But, actually, the interesting question raised by A Clockwork Orange, as I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you, is whether the capacity for evil should be conditioned out of people.
I find this question particularly pertinent after having lived in Japan, where there is very little violence or crime, and having returned to Britain, where for many, beating someone to a pulp is basically a hobby.
I do think that Japanese society is morbidly conformist, but the lack of violence is a HUGE advantage.
However, rather than the sort of brainwashing used in A Clockwork Orange, I am more inclined to something like chemical castration.
I’m sure there will be gasps at the thought of such a draconian measure, but I’m tired of trying to be understanding and tolerant towards thugs.
Neutralise their goolies, that’s what I say.
Even better, remove them one at a time. That way, they still have time to reform their ways after the first is removed.
Ah. Do you speak German? If not, the David Lukes/Oxford Classics is the one to read, just so you know, it’s a great read. Incidentaly Faust Part II is a difficult, odd and complex read, Part I is the one.
How would I interpret Faust? That’s too lofty a thing for me. But first off re the above, I think it’s important to note that Goethe’s Faust has many peculiar twists on the original tale. For instance, Mephistopheles isn’t especially interested in Faust’s soul; in fact, he has a wager with God that he can tempt Faust out of his ethical attitude and into just one moment of laziness (not exactly, but it will do), and if he can, then Mephistopheles will claim Faust’s life. This, I think, doesn’t really fit in so well with the reading above. Here is how Faust describes the Pact: “If ever I lie down in sloth and base inaction,/Then let that moment be my end!/ If by your false cajolery/ You lull me into self-sufficiency,/ If any pleasure you can give/ Deludes me, let me cease to live!”
Their relationship presages not so much Utopian Industrialism as Ironic Man – Mephistopheles is primarily a cynic, trying to break Faust’s committment to humanity. You can in fact interpret Mephistopheles positively, saying that under current conditions, we each need an ironic devil on our shoulder so as we don’t go mad at this world in despair. Anyway I think it’s much more about ‘disposition’ under modern life than the soullessness of progress, or ‘progress’, so to speak. Soul doesn’t really come into Goethe’s version of the Pact.
Even more, Mephistopheles describes himself positively, in fact, as “Part of that Power which would/ do evil constantly, and constantly does good.” God seems to agree, saying to Mephistopheles that “You are a type I never learnt to hate; Among the spirit who negate,/ The ironic scold offends me least of all./ Man is too apt to sink into mere satisfaction,/ A total standstiill is his constant wish:/ Therefore your company, busily devilish,/ Serves well to stimulate him into action.”
No, of course it would never get through Parliament; it’s just a pipe dream.
In my more Taoist moments I realise such ideas are not the solution, anyway. The circle of violence will continue until it is broken by non-violence, if such a thing is possible.
I actually rather admire Ghandi.
I’d still like to see those with testosterone imbalances selected against by evolution in some way or other – whether that selection is assisted or not.
Well, I’m glad I’m not entirely alone.
As usual with these posts, I have been wondering whether I’m not being a bit extreme, but my feelings of being justified have been strengthened by browsing, just now, a book called How Mumbo Jumbo Conquered the World.
Now, anyone who uses the word ‘mumbo jumbo’ is, by definition, a cunt, and I’ll tell you for why. The etymology of the word is “a grotesque idol said to have been worshipped by some Negro tribes”. The word is, needless to say, derogatory. It is nothing more than the arrogant imperialism of the great white hunter, and that’s exactly what Mr Wheen gives us in his book. I skimmed it in a scholarly fashion to see what his point was. He seems to be one of these annoying types who takes forever to get to his point, but I eventually managed to find that he thought the definition of Enlightenment as put forward by Kant was now being replaced in our culture by an Eastern, mystical defintion of enlightenment. And? Are we supposed to be alarmed by this? Apparently so.
There seemed to be one or two interesting points amidst the revolting offal of arrogance, but, on the whole, I think Mr Wheen can count himself amongst the ranks of cunts.
I must apologise for my excessive use of that particular expletive recently, but the times do seem to demand it.
Yes, atheism is basically a slave religion. I thought of myself as atheist for a period, too. It is basically a rejection of Christianity, but who wants to define themselves in terms of rejection?
Interesetingly, in his novel Atomised Michel Houellebecq puts forward the suggestion that Satanists are actually atheists. From what I can gather, this is an informed point of view. There are many kinds of Satanist, but the kind established by http://religiousmovements.lib.virginia.edu/nrms/levey.html">LaVey</a> seems to be basically a form of atheism. It all seems a bit silly to me – rich kids trying to shock their parents with Rocky Horror Picture Show style antics.
“is this Quentin the same Quentin of Wytaliban legends?”
No, is the short answer.
I’m actually intrigued by your question. The Wytaliban legends? What are they?
Not the Why Taliban legends, then? Am I reading too much into this?
Interesting. I really must read it.
For msyelf, I would say that, since I cannot pronounce authoritatively on Faust, I would declare the great prophetic work of our modern age to be Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein.
HI Q,
It doesn’t matter what faith you are or what you believe in .. as a human you are allowed to voice your concerns or opinions.
I do understand what you feel and have stated here..
When you talk about politics or religion it leads to argurments and sometimes the parting of ways.
No one will see eye to eye on these subjects so why even discuss them. 🙂
This is my opinion .. get the point?
I love your posts when written on any subject, since you flow of words are endless and the passion you hold for our world and humans are real.
Keep posting and forget what people think you are or for.
You are real, keep them coming.
Your fan,
Eve
I think I failed to eliminate the italics in my last post. I hope this one does the trick.
HI Q,
This is what makes the world go around, the vaious thinking methods and wisdoms from diffent walks of life.
I have been on both sides of religion and I will discuss my views since I have knowledge of both sides, however, not being educated in religion as a teacher only speaking from experience and from my heart.
I have had alot of go arounds with Muslims and also rednecks, however, I do make it a point that they are my views and experiences only.
I don’t hold to much in personailty tests too, there is to many holes in them.
You are you and I am happy to read what you write. You can’t please everyone and if there are some who don’t agree with your postings then that’s their problem and you are not posting to start word wars.
You are a writer and an author, if they don’t like the book .. don’t buy it.
I look forward to reading your posts and like I said before I am surrounded by mindless people and can’t find one for an intelligent conversation.
Happy to have you apart of my daily reads.
Thank you.
Eve
Let’s try again.
What does the ‘F’ stand for?
I think I shall try and look up the link for the online test.
I wondered about whether it was really designed by Jung. It seemed a strange thing for him to do in some way. I think you’re right about Myers-Briggs.
…but in this context I therefore never asked the question and, equally, my observation, of your reply, is also non-existent.
F – feeling. It means I’m inclined to make decisions based upon my Feelings than my Thinkings. I feel this is true, whatever I might think otherwise – 😮
Yes – I believe M&B based their types upon on Jungian theory.
Where I live, I’d say A Clockwork Orange is!
I suppose I should confess that I’m probably not as detached as I sound. My wish to avoid imposing my views on others stems from a feeling that others tend to impose their views on me in my daily life. I just don’t want to be like that.
But I do have views – unstable as they are – and I’m not a reasonable person, I am saddened to discover. For instance, I learnt today that I have been knocked out of the running for the British Fantasy Society annual awards, and the truth be told, I feel like wringing someone’s neck. There are people who have stood in my way, and I want to make them suffer for it. Not very noble sentiments, and not very dignified, either, but true nonetheless.
… and so on…
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