On Monday I finally finished reading Dickens' The Old Curiosity Shop. Of the works of Dickens with which I am familiar, this is far from being my favourite (which distinction probably belongs to Great Expectations). However, it was not without interest, and particularly increased in fascination for me when Little Nell and her grandfather eventually arrive at a sanctuary after all the tribulations of their long flight, and Little Nell's mind turns towards the contemplation of Death.
There are also, as always, many incidental points of interest in the novel, and one of these, for me, was a little passage just before the very end, in which Kit and Barbara are shown courting. Kit has been invited to go along with several gentlemen who have previously been concerned with the fate of Little Nell on a mission to rescue her. He has had no idea, for some time, of Nell's whereabouts, and of her fate, and he is very keen to see her again. However, it seems that Barbara is jealous. Nothing is made of the fact that Barbara is, apparently, jealous of a girl in her early teens (I'm not sure of Nell's age at this stage of the novel, but I think she must be about fourteen), thereby conferring on her the status of rival. Well, that is not particularly surprising. It is merely an indication that ideas have changed in the intervening time. It's very hard to judge exactly how the audience of the day would have taken the whole scene and whether there would have been much – or anything – in the way of sexual overtones for the reader. Certainly, Kit does not appear outraged at Barbara's implied accusation, only wishing to defend himself that his affections belong properly to Barbara and not Nell, as he would if the object of jealousy had been any other woman. For the modern reader, I think, ideas of paedophilia raise their heads either distantly or conspicuously when they encounter this passage. And why? Well, my guess is that, in our current age, love itself has become narrowed down to something purely sexual; it is increasingly hard to imagine it as anything else. The passage in question, however, is not intended as controvesial or disturbing, or anything other than cheerful and touching, as far as I can discern:
Now, Barbara, if the truth must be told – as it must and ought to be – Barbara seemed, of all the little household, to take least pleasure in the bustle of the occasion; and when Kit, in the openness of his heart, told her how glad, and overjoyed it made him, Barbara became more downcast still, and seemed to have even less pleasure in it than before!
'You have not been home so long, Christopher,' said Barbara – and it is impossible to tell how carelessly she said it – 'You have not been home so long, that you need be glad to go away again, I should think.'
'But for such a purpose,' returned Kit. 'To bring back Miss Nell! To see her again! Only think of that! I am so pleased too to think that you will see her, Barbara, at last.'
Barbara did not absolutely say that she felt no great gratification on this point, but she expressed the sentiment so plainly by one little toss of her head, that Kit was quite disconcerted, and wondered in his simplicity why she was so cool about it.
'You'll say she has the sweetest and beautifullest face you ever saw, I know,' said Kit, rubbing his hands. 'I'm sure you'll say that!'
Barbara tossed her head again.
'What's the matter, Barbara?' said Kit.
'Nothing,' cried Barbara. And Barbara pouted – not sulkily, or in an ugly manner, but just enough to make her look more cherry-lipped than ever.
There is no school in which a pupil gets on so fast, as that in which Kit became a scholar when he gave Barbara the kiss. He saw what Barbara meant now – he had his lesson by heart all at once – she was the book – there it was before him as plain as print.
'Barbara,' said Kit, 'you're not cross with me?'
Oh dear no! Why should Barbara be cross? And what right had she to be cross? And what did it matter whether she was cross or no? Who minded her!
'Why, I do,' said Kit. 'Of course I do.'
Barbara didn't see why it was of course, at all.
Kit was sure she must. Would she think again?
And so on. I must admit that I laughed at the depiction of Barbara's jealousy here. Some things, I thought, have not changed in the intervening years. When Kit eventually understands what is happening, he defends his affection towards Nell in the following terms:
'…I think I could almost die to do her service… I have been used, you see, to talk and think of her, almost as if she was an angel. … When I think of myself, it's as her old servant, and one that loved her dearly, as his kind, good, gentle mistress; and who would have gone – yes, and still would go – through any harm to serve her…'
This explanation is apparently satisfying to Barbara. As I read it, I remembered the song by Joan Armatrading, More Than One Kind of Love. It certainly seems as if there were more kinds of love to choose from in Dickens' day. Kit doesn't say, I love her as a brother, or, as a friend, but that he loves her as a servant. I suppose that's one particular kind of attachment that is troubling to the modern sensibility, although it was apparently palatable in fantasy form in the relationship between Frodo and Sam in the recent Lord of the Rings film trilogy. Perhaps these archetypes are still latent within us. Whatever one may think of such an attachment, at least it has the virtue of showing that not all affections must be either of blood or sex if they are not to be entirely tepid.
A typical exploration of the idea of love today, might be, for instance, When Harry Met Sally, a film that famously poses the question of whether men and women can ever be friends without the whole sex issue getting in the way, and seems to answer a resounding NO. The relationship is not valid unless it is in the sexual/romantic mould. Well, this is not surprising coming from Hollywood, for whom the so-called 'happy ending' of the heterosexual pact is the stock-in-trade. However, I have been surprised to find that people in real life hold this view, as if it were self-evident. Not only is sexual love more important than friendship, it is actually All THERE IS. I have always felt something like the opposite. I feel as if we are living in a society where love is increasingly narrowed down to the field of the sexual. It's little wonder that such relationships seem to break down so often, when there is so much pressure for them to provide all the meaning and affection in the lives of the two individuals involved. And in the end, it is even questionable whether this is love at all. After all, of all kinds of love, sexual love is surely the most self-interested. It demands the attentions of the other, and often enough ends in bitterness and disillusion when lies, insecurities, neediness and so on, come to the fore.
I'm not sure how much Dickens is exaggerating the normality of Kit's affections, his strength of loyalty, his innocent love, but it does seem like a very natural and homely way to live to me, even if it's not a way I have actually achieved – to love all those who are a part of one's life.
But then it's very much the mode to doubt that there can be anything 'higher' or unselfish, and perhaps people prefer the grubbiness of disillusionment, if it means they can continue to reap the sexual fruits thereof, to the hard work of sacrifice, even if it meant that one day they might feel, like Sydney Carton standing before the guillotine, "It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done."
brilliant post! and so true! “But then it’s very much the mode to doubt that there can be anything ‘higher’ or unselfish, and perhaps people prefer the grubbiness of disillusionment, if it means they can continue to reap the sexual fruits thereof, to the hard work of sacrifice” :insane:”a film that famously poses the question of whether men and women can ever be friends without the whole sex issue getting in the way, and seems to answer a resounding NO. The relationship is not valid unless it is in the sexual/romantic mould. Well, this is not surprising coming from Hollywood,” – this is in my opinion a load of crock! Yes, you can be friends, as long as the other person can respect you as a friend too!
“brilliant post! and so true!”Thank you.”Yes, you can be friends, as long as the other person can respect you as a friend too!”Well, as far as I’m concerned, it’s an accomplished fact that friendship is possible. I suppose people live in different worlds.
come back to this…. thinking.
:p been thinking a lot lately and writing and feeling a bit out of it! maybe because it is still morning and the weather has turned and it rains now! 🙂
No hurry.
Hi,Quentin:Very glad saw your comment on my Post about Durham.I got the offer from Durham University on MA Marketing. Could you know something about it? After searching online,I got many pictures about the city and university, charming and beautiful.And compare with Aston Uni(MSc Marketing Management),St Andrews(M.Litt Marketing) and Bath Uni(Msc Management with Marketing), can u give me some opinions?Thanks again.P.S the post is so long that i have just only read 3-paragraph….will finish it later 🙂
Hello Crossdolphin.Congratulations on receiving your offer. Marketing is not my subject area, but I can tell you something about Durham generally.Durham was, for a long time, considered to be second (or third) to Oxford and Cambridge, which, as I’m sure you know, are the most prestigious universities in Britain. I do believe, however, despite its reputation, recent educational surveys and reports place it somewhat lower on the list of British universities. I’m not sure how it currently stands. In any case, academically speaking, it is a good university with high standards of teaching and so on.Durham is an attractive town (technically speaking, the cathedral makes it a city, but it’s so small that it feels strange to call it a city). In particular, the walk along from the old market square to the hilltop colleges via the riverbank, is very picturesque. When I was studying at Durham, there was also a large and varied mix of foreign students, which helped to make college life a little more cosmopolitan. The town itself, however, is not very cosmopolitan, and not particularly representative of British life. If you get a chance, I do recommend that you travel at some point during your stay. I studied at Durham as an undergraduate, so some things may be different for you. As an MA student, I’m not sure whether you’ll be assigned a ‘college mum’ to look after you, but I imagine you will at least have a ‘tutor’, to whom you can go if you have any questions or problems. If you have accomodation at one of the colleges, you will be able to eat in the college hall. When I was at Durham, the meals were notoriously bad. I don’t know if that will have changed. There was the advantage, of course, that you did not have to buy and prepare your own food. There are some facilities for cooking your own food – depending on the college where you are staying – but they are limited.Durham, being quite far north, tends to be rather cold. With global warming, things may have changed a little since I was there, but I remember snow and ice in autumn and winter. Some warm clothes will be a good idea. If you are able to stay in Durham during the summer (as a foreign student you should be able to), you will see slightly warmer weather, but it probably doesn’t get very hot – at least it didn’t while I was there. Some of the executives in charge of such things made the ridiculous decision a few years back – for the usual reasons that such pen-pushers have – to close the Department of East Asian Studies. The closure of the department, however, was not to happen overnight, and if it is still open, I’m sure you will find many people there interested in a language exchange with you and happy to be of help. Some of them should speak very good Mandarin.I’ve just checked. It looks like the department is still open:http://www.dur.ac.uk/eastasian.studies/If you put a notice up there for a language exchange partner, I’m sure you’d find many willing respondents.I hope this information is of some use to you. If you have any questions, please let me know.
Hi Quentin,Thanks for your kindly help and give me so many information.How Kindly you are.I did not know how to express my thanks to you. At first,I just know that Durham Univesity is the third old univesity in England, there is the Norman Cathedral and the Newcastle is near it.After reading your comment, I got a general sence of the whole univesity, studying, life, eating, and etc.Although graduate student is not the same as undergraduate. I like the college system, but it is clealy that as a postgraduate I can not choose the college. There is a college for graduate student. Thus studying in Durham as an under is so lucky.When choosing univesities, I have read some ranks such as Times,RAE,Guard and Sunday. I chosse 8 univesities which offer the master degree in Marketing. It is easy for applying, but is difficult for making a decision.I still got some questions below, and wish u could give your opinions:1. You said ,the town itself is not particularly representative of British life. Why? and which the the true british life？ As a foreigner study in Uk, besides studying I really want to experience othe cultures and experience the British Life.2. As a graduate student, which is more important? Univesity or Study Area？Choose a stronger business school or choose a university with good reputation.Thanks again!
Hello again.May I call you Lei?Thank you for your message. I will attempt to answer your questions here:1. I suppose it is hard to say what is typicaly British, as lifestyles do vary somewhat according to where in the country you go. If we speak exclusively of England (rather than Britain) for the moment, like most countries, there is a perceived geographical division in culture. In Japan this division obtains between east and west, in the USA between north and south (and, I believe, between east and west coast), in China I believe there is also a north/south divide. The same holds true of England. Durham is in the north of England, and is almost as close to Scotland as you can get without actually being Scotland. The locals speak in an accent/dialect known as ‘Geordie’, which many people new to the area, especially foreigners, find difficult to understand. A typical item of Geordie dialect is the word ‘canny’, which is basically an adjective of positive meaning. You may also hear ‘gan’ instead of ‘go’, and so on. Here’s an English to Geordie translator (apparently of humorous intent):http://www.geordie.org.uk/I inserted the sentence, “Where are you going tonight?” and was given the translation: “Weor are yee gannin the neet?”World famous Geordies include Sting and… I can’t think of any others at the moment.You will probably encounter the Geordie accent from some of the university staff, such as the canteen staff, the caretakers, and so on. Occasionally, there will also be a Geordie student, but the fact that this is occasional is symptomatic of what is called the division of “town and gown”. ‘Town’ represents the locals, who are Geordie, and who, relatively speaking, seldom study at the university. ‘Gown’ represents the university (the gown of graduation) and the students. There is sometimes resentment of the gown on the part of the town, since the students are often perceived as rich Southerners, as opposed to the local, working-class Northerners. Some general (stereotypical) differences – real or merely perceived – between the South and North of England:South: Perceived as richer, less friendly, less frank in speech, more cosmopolitan, more politically-correct, more middle-class.North: Perceived as poorer, more friendly, more frank in speech, less cosmopolitan, more likely to have outdated views with regard to social issues, more working class.Durham itself is strange in that it is a relatively affluent town – almost a tourist town – set in a very poor area of England. Therefore, it seems to be a strange mix of genteel and rough. Since it is a small town, it is not as cosmopolitan as some university towns (when I was applying for universities, for instance, I also visited Sheffield University and had the impression of a very lively student life, and a more open atmosphere about the town), but there is still a measure of cosmopolitanism because of the presence of so many students from overseas.I think that Durham has a slightly stilted atmosphere as a place to live. I enjoyed my time there, but I know some people – friends I made at the university – who were disappointed with the social and geographical smallness of the place, and with the lack of the more Bohemian elements often associated with university, such as a lively art or music scene. Durham is the kind of place where, if you have been there for a while, you can walk down the street and bump into several people you know. I am not really sure where I would recommend as a ‘typical’ English town to visit or stay. London, of course, is not typical, and there are those who go as far as to say that London is not really England at all. Nonetheless, London might, in some ways, be more typical than Durham, inasmuch as there is a fair mixture of people in London.A friend of mine recently related an amusing incident to me. He, like myself, is originally from Devon, in the southwest of the country. He came to London to visit some friends, and they were drinking at the pub. At one point he went to the toilet and, while standing at the urinal, attempted to talk to the man next to him. However, he received no response whatsoever, and was advised when he returned to the bar, by his other Devon companions, that people don’t talk to each other in the toilets up here in London. My friend, quite reasonably, found this an outrageous example of London arrogance. I suppose medium-sized towns, such as Exeter, Bristol, Leeds, and so on, are fairly representative of England as a whole, though not necessarily good as tourist destinations.2. I’m not quite sure how to answer this question. I suppose that, for myself, I chose study area. In other words, I was accepted by three universities on the course of Japanese Studies, and I chose Durham because the Department of East Asian Studies seemed to offer a better course than the other two universities. However, it probably depends on what you want to do with your MA or where you want to go next. It’s possible that the name of a university may help you with some applications that you make for further study or for work. Since I have never had to asses such application myself, I’m not sure. On the whole, I suppose my personal recommendation would be to choose according to what would most benefit your particular area of study.
Your post reminds me of the phrase “erotic friendship” invented by Milan Kundera in “The Unbearable Lightness of Being“ which was described by the protagonist Tomas as “the only relationship that can make both partners happy” and “in which sentimentality has no place, neither partner makes any claim on the life and freedom of the other.” Tomas prefers this kind of relationship mainly due to his failure marriage and the troublous political situation of his motherland. But in the practical life of nowadays, this concept is also to some extent popular with or accepted by many people I think both in the east and west. People could be intimate and enjoy the pleasure from sex, but do not have to invest any real emotion or feel responsibility. Many think this is perhaps a more relax way to get along with the heterosexual party. In fantacy, we regard love as a forever commitment, but in an age when we are facing so many temptation and choices, we seem become more and more lack of faith/courage in either others or ourselves.We are eager to get more but not willing to believe; We dream for the future but be afraid to take responsibility. Perhaps the so called forever paradox is not man and woman, but the restless hearts of ourselves.
I think, basically, any kind of relationship that is mutually satisfactory to those involved is fine, and the “erotic friendship” you mention is, I think, quite a viable, and often a necessary option.I’d also like to add to the list of viable options such things as ‘romantic friendship’, plain and simple friendship between the sexes, same-sex clinginess and… well, actually that’s it for the moment. In other words, I think the freedom to be non-sexual is as important as the freedom to be sexual. It does make me feel rather sad that it’s so hard to have faith in romantic love (the heterosexual pact). This looks more and more to me like some weird kind of science fiction, albeit an antiquated and quaint science fiction. Not that I really wish to denigrate it, just that it’s so incredibly STRANGE. I can understand the fascination it has exerted on people’s imaginations for so long, but it’s all so otherworldly that it’s a little bit queasy. Can I imagine stepping into that picture of doves and ribbons and confetti? Sadly, my answer seems to be…
Many thanks to you ,Quentin.:)Of course,you can call me Lei.No matter whatever I will choose, I’ll thanks for your kindlyful and useful information.
Hello Lei.Thank you. I am happy to be of help. Good luck with everything. Let me know if you have any other questions.