Posted on by qscrisp

Annette Funicello’s Hair

Have I mentioned that I hate my blog?

I did start writing my Address to the Nation, but it's currently in suspended animation (hey, that could be the opening couplet of a song). I think one of my main problems with it is that I have so far – and I don't how I even got onto the subject – called Damien Hirst a cunt in it about three times, and I'm not sure that's really called for. Hmmm. Then again, I'm tired of being nice. Not that I ever have been.

It's much easier to express my current feelings about life the universe and everything exclusively through YouTube clips. For instance, this:

I've noticed recently that, at least if one goes by the images that are left to us, the female half of the human species reached the zenith of beauty in the era of silent films. Witness:

Everything has come downhill since then. But even going back as far as the sixties, you can measure the difference in general classiness.

But, apart from blurting out things that you regret ever saying, another disadvantage of blogs is that it leaves you with less to share in private with the one or two people you actually manage to keep in touch with consistently. No one can say, delighted at the discovery of an out-of-the-way shared passion, "Hey, I didn't know you were an admirer of Annette Funicello's hair!" Instead, you broach the subject and they say, "Yeah, I read it on your blog."

And this is exactly what my current life in Wales is like:

Well, when I say exactly like that, what I mean, I suppose, is more like a cross between that and this.

Finally (perhaps really finally), I'm all for having a laugh, but I have come to learn the meaning of a phrase that a friend of mine used in conversation many years back, when he referred to someone as being, "pathologically incapable of taking anything seriously". I saw a headline about the endangerment of penguins recently that read something like, "Penguins in p-p-p-p-peril."

Is it obligatory to have some naff joke in every single headline ever written?

12 Replies to “Annette Funicello’s Hair”

  4. Justin Isis writes:

    “This 4th entry in the Beach Party film series is a strange one. A Martian teenager named Gogo (Tommy Kirk) is sent to Earth in an usher’s uniform to prepare the way for an invasion from Mars. The first Earthling he meets, one Aunt Wendy, is a rich widow who runs a dress shop catering to teenagers. She immediately decks out Gogo in a swimsuit and sends him out to the beach. Her nephew, Big Lunk, is a volleyball-loving guy with little interest in romance, which causes frustration for his girlfriend Connie (Annette Funicello). For reasons unknown Annette has lost both her DeeDee and her hairstyle, which used to cover her forehead. The new Annette, eventually begins singing to her stuffed animal, explaining to him that he’s better than a human boy and it winks at her. Naturally, Gogo (who’s now known as George and is very light on his feet) meets Connie and they fall in love. Meanwhile, Aunt Wendy’s shady neighbor J. Sinister Hulk and his gang (including an Indian and a Swedish bombshell) concoct a scheme to part Aunt Wendy from her cash. Meanwhile, the local motorcycle gang (Eric von Zipper and his Rat Pack) wants revenge on the volleyball players for…getting footprints on their beach. Big Lunk falls in love with the Swedish bombshell because she can beat him in arm wrestling (and she’s a good listener). Somehow all of these subplots come together at the pajama party.”J. Sinister Hulk

  5. Justin Isis writes:

    Annette would win, she has leg movementsSomeone should make a mashup video of those clips, or else a trance remix of Pajama Party

  10. They’re all pretty yankii-looking, aren’t they? But I know the one you mean. Good choice. With the beads in her hair? That’s the one I would have been, too. Maeda Ken is surprisingly convincing as a joshi kousei, especially considering his build. He has some interesting facial expressions.

  12. “Annette Funicello, really? Heh.”Indeed! One only has to look upon that hair to know that creation is indeed blessed and infinite. I’m sure Bruno Schulz would agree. He would see that coiffure and say that here was irrefutable proof that Franz Joseph I did not mark the extreme horizon of human experience, and he would declare it better than any stamp album.(See, I’m slowly getting round to answering these comments. Lots on right now.)

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