I've decided to kill* Justin Isis.
Hear me out.
Especially Justin.
It's just occurred to me, what with things being what they are in the world, the credit crunch and the fact that I'm an abject failure in every conceivable sense of the word, I'm probably never going to meet Justin, with whom I have been closely collaborating on a number of projects, unless I actually kill him.
I'm probably not explaining myself very well. Yesterday, I invented – in theory – a new means of transportation that I've decided to dub 'homicidal teleportation', or perhaps 'telecide'. I haven't quite worked out the details, but it's a means of fuelling long-distance travel through the act of murder. I think I'm going to have to start simple with this, so the experimental prototype works as follows. We suppose the meeting of myself and Justin already to be established fact, but established only on the condition that upon meeting the two of us have a bare-knuckle fight to the death**. We work back from the hypothetically accomplished fact to the present, which is now, with me writing this blog entry and announcing that, if there's anyone out there with more money than sense who wants to see two obscure writers of dadaoist anti-life fiction slug it out in the ring, without gloves, breaking all known laws of the universe in the process***, and if they also wish to arrange a boxing ring, a camera crew and so on, I'd be more than happy to take the money et cetera.
Any offers?
If this sounds to you like something that is too good to be true, then MAKE IT TRUE. Use your initiative and get in touch with me.
Thank you.
[*For legal reasons the word 'kill' is not necessarily intended in a literal and absolutely fatal sense.]
[**For legal reasons, the word 'death' here might include such things as being badly winded or having a chipped tooth.]
[***For legal reasons, this phrase must be deemed to be a complete falsehood, whether or not it is in fact true.]
Your post reminded me of Dean Koonz’ book ‘The Bad Place’, my favorite of his. In it there is a word: telepathic telekinesis transportation, or something like that. This happens to the main character whenever he sleeps. Here is a link to tell you about the book: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bad_PlaceI have read four or five of Koonz’ books then had to stop altogether because the last one creeped me out too much. I’ve blocked out the title and have tried to block out the images I got but have failed. It had something to do with caverns underneath an amusement park. The caverns were storage for one of the rides, the roller coaster cars, I think. The roller coaster was rigged to rip off body parts. Further down into the caverns was an art gallery of sorts where the body parts of people were put back together as a freak display. Unfortunately, I read this when we were camping….not a good thing to do.
Justin Isis writes:
“That is not dead which can eternal lie,” etc. As long as we don’t somehow get teleported back together into one single monstrous entity like in “The Fly.”Actually, that might be awesome.I’m working on a sick dance mix of recent j-electro. Here’s the (tentative) play list:Capsule x Daft Punk x Beastie Boys – Starry Sky YEAH! remixAmi Suzuki – FREE FREEPerfume – Twinkle Snow Powdery SnowAmi Suzuki – ONEAmi Suzuki – can’t stop the DISCOPerfume – Secret Secretcapsule – Sugarless GiRLPerfume – Baby Cruising Lovecapsule – Jelly (album edit)immi – Ups & Downs80_pan – I don’t wanna goimmi – local trainPerfume – Love the WorldIt falls apart a bit towards the end and some of the transitions need work, but I’m hoping to get it as a single megamix. I just need some way to get “Joy” by YUKI in there…feel free to message me if anyone wants this.
Peter A Leonard writes:
Many years ago in a village near the Purple river, a mad Frenchmen who was probably a German – an ex-legionnaire, possibly a deserter, too – challenged me to a dual over some imagined slight. Many people put money on the outcome of this event. The choice of weapons was mine.I selected the local homemade rice alcohol, a poisonous white brew, made in part from acid, methyl, and white spirit which in turn was mixed carefully with the products of the Ha Noi Alcohol Company. Each dualist had thirty minutes to down up to a half-gallon of this concoction, matching his opponent drink for drink. The man left standing at the end of that time would be declared the winner.Much money was changing hands as I have mentioned, and an American gentleman named Hansen acted as bookmaker, holding all cash in exchange for markers, laying odds, etc, with payouts to take place on the great day, post event. He was looking to make a killing (which he did).Come the morning of the dual, Vaerst, the French German, had a fit. His morning mug of schnapps had been spiked (so it was alleged) with a powerful hallucinogenic substance, type unknown. Never of a particularly stable dispossession, and rarely sound of mind, Vaerst in loin cloth and little else charged about the village discharging his automatic pistol indiscriminately. You must remember this was a time and a place where you were your own law. The locals dispersed in wild, tempestuous flight. Vaerst shot dead the headman’s prized goat, as well as a couple of chickens, before collapsing in a semi-coma.Meanwhile, despite this pandemonium in the village, the sporadic gunfire and non-arrival of my opponent on the field of honor, in company with my seconds I commenced the dual. One drink after another, raised in toast, then down the hatch. Opponent-less I was determined to have honor served, and obtain a return of thirty-to-one on my $20 bet with Hansen (hereafter referred to as that bastard). Alas, that bastard did a runner with all the money. I woke twenty-four hours later with the hangover from hell. Vaerst had disappeared without trace from the village. Hence it ended in anti-climax, our dual. In order to profit from this experience you must firstly ensure your opponent appears in the ring (or wherever) with you. Secondly all money must be paid up front – otherwise you may find that, bleeding and battered post bout, all has been in vain, no money.I would also issue a warning with regard to homemade rice alcohol. If you’re of a mind to duel with it, drink it, use it as a stain remover, paint stripper, or corrosive agent, please do so well away from naked flames. It is with great sadness I must report the death of an Englishman, one of my seconds in fact, who exploded in an orange ball of flame, having consumed half-a-litre of homemade rice alcohol before lighting a cigarette :bomb: . Fatal. Cigarette smoking can certainly kill :rip: .Finally if you do take to drinking rice alcohol you’ll find it of itself provides the kind of teleportation you mention. It also causes time distortion and lord knows what else.:jester:
I have read four or five of Koonz’ books then had to stop altogether because the last one creeped me out too much. I’ve blocked out the title and have tried to block out the images I got but have failed. It had something to do with caverns underneath an amusement park. The caverns were storage for one of the rides, the roller coaster cars, I think. The roller coaster was rigged to rip off body parts. Further down into the caverns was an art gallery of sorts where the body parts of people were put back together as a freak display. Unfortunately, I read this when we were camping….not a good thing to do.I haven’t read any Koontz, I’m afraid, although I did once see some kind of screen adaptation about children with special powers who were being hunted by the FBI or something. The person who was watching it with me thought it didn’t make sense because the FBI were hunting a child who could cure death – the head guy thought that only the fear of death kept society orderly and gave motivation. The other watching person said that since most people (in America) believe in life after death anyway, the existence of the child didn’t make any difference. He failed to realise that people are often or usually deeply religious precisely because they do not believe in life after death, or are afraid of death. Most religion is an empty construst designed to keep questions of mortality and so on in abeyance. I’ve met very few people who are not afraid of death, whatever philosophy or religion they profess. I should add here that, as far as I can tell, I’m one of the least afraid-of-death people that I know. I’m not keen on pain, though.Meanwhile, despite this pandemonium in the village, the sporadic gunfire and non-arrival of my opponent on the field of honor, in company with my seconds I commenced the dual. One drink after another, raised in toast, then down the hatch. Opponent-less I was determined to have honor served, and obtain a return of thirty-to-one on my $20 bet with Hansen (hereafter referred to as that bastard).
Alas, that bastard did a runner with all the money. I woke twenty-four hours later with the hangover from hell. Vaerst had disappeared without trace from the village.A cautionary tale on many fronts, it would seem. Should a patron and benefactor step forward, I shall have to take care to get everything in writing. I have some rice alcohol in the room below, but it’s only sake. I’m not sure it will have the effects mentioned, which, on some occasions, may be desirable.”That is not dead which can eternal lie,” etc. As long as we don’t somehow get teleported back together into one single monstrous entity like in “The Fly.”
Actually, that might be awesome.And if I fail to calculate the neutron flow etc. correctly, I imagine that there could be Justin Crisp-Fly creatures thrown back throughout space and time in splinter selves like the Jagaroth, forced to don rubber masks and masqerade as historical figures like Leonardo Da Vinci, Isaac Newton, and Norman Wisdom, in order to build some kind of super laboratory in a secret corridor adjacent to time itself, pillaging the treasure of all time and space in the process, and developing a morbid technology that would reunite the various splintered selves again at the price of the destruction of the entire universe – a bit like what’s happening with the Hadron Collider, in fact. feel free to message me if anyone wants this..I’d be interested.