Posted on by qscrisp

Schneider, here we come!

A while back, a review of Shrike went online that featured the following assessment of the novella:

If this book at all reflects how the author feels about anything, he probably needs a hug, some hot chocolate, and maybe even a box set of Rob Schneider movies.

This morning, a bundle arrived in the post addressed to me. When I managed to liberate the contents from the packaging, I found them to be a small cushion bearing the legend, "A hug is a handshake from the heart", two sachets of hot chocolate, and two Rob Schneider DVDs (The Animal and The Hot Chick).

I went about my business for the day, writing a few more pages of my angsty and depressing short story, 'Suicide Watch', and generally sighing and moping about dreadfully, and staring into the flames of the fire downstairs, and so on, and then, after dinner, decided the time had come to see if the reviewer's suggestion would work. Hot chocolate was made, and The Hot Chick was viewed.

I see! So that's who Rob Schneider is! The film was an interesting little body-swap comedy, in which a teenage 'hot chick' cheerleader type comes to inhabit the body of a thirty year old, male petty crook and vice versa. Well, I'm not going to review the whole thing, but there was plenty of good drag in it. Interestingly, at the end of the film, when it came time for the two to swap back to their original bodies, I found the cheerleader in her own body to be far less charismatic than when she was in the body of a thirty year old petty thief. I came to the conclusion that all teenage girls should be played, in real life, by men in their thirties, and all men in their thirties, should be played, in real life, by teenage girls.

Thank you for the bundle, if you're reading.

I wonder if the reviewer would like to try swapping bodies with me.

11 Replies to “Schneider, here we come!”

  2. Thank you. I should point out that there was a card, and the bundle was from someone I know, but I just tend not to name people on my blog for some reason. I suppose that I feel my blog is more or less disreputable or something, so I shouldn’t mention people without their permission. Occasionally I do mention people, but even then I often use pseudonyms. For instance, there’s someone I refer to as Mr. Wu. That’s not his real name. I sometimes go to gigs with him, and the last one we went to, I was going to take pictures of him and write a blog entry about it. There was some discussion between us as to whether or not I should put pictures of him on my blog, as then his secret identity would be revealed. In the end, I didn’t even take the pictures. Also, I didn’t watch the DVD mentioned in this entry alone, but, once again, I tend to screen others in my life when writing on my blog. It was still remarkable getting that bundle in the post, though. It’s not something that happens every day.

  3. i am familiar with the dilemma of posting when i may be exposing others to the world.usually i get away with it. but sometimes i get in trouble. i will always err in the direction of just telling the story.honestly, i can’t understand why people don’t want to be talked about… there’s no harm in it.just yesterday i was on the phone with my brother bobby, he proudly announced that he was my neal cassady…( kerouac’s friend in “on the road”.)but this is after he warned me not to tell any stories which his children might read. he was afraid that they shouldn’t know what had happened.now i am very proud to have him for a brother. no matter what mistakes he made. he has survived the terror of addiction. for many years i tried to help him and i know his stuggle was a mighty one with heroin.he since worked as an inhalation therapist and saved many lives over thirty years. so i figure he has more than paid his dues. he didn’t ask to be born with a need to escape reality. but he faced the hardest realities anyone will ever face.and he knows that i will continue to tell it like it was in spite of his warning. his kids know everything anyway.but i am careful to avoid slander. and when anyone in my tales would be hurt i will use a letter to refer to them.i remember when my oldest daughter told me never to publish her daughter’s image for fear she would be kidnapped.that kind of fear wasn’t something i inculcated into her mentality.

  5. Actually, I just looked at the comments under the Baby Magibon clip in full. I spoke too soon. YouTube comments just make me despair of the human race. The state of degeneracy we have reached is appalling beyond words.

  6. I’ll have to watch that Papa to Musume no Nanokan sometime, too.i am familiar with the dilemma of posting when i may be exposing others to the world.
    usually i get away with it. but sometimes i get in trouble. i will always err in the direction of just telling the story.In fiction I definitely err on the side of telling the story, because I’m not trying to write autobiography, but I’m well aware of the dangers of being a writer. Traditionally, so to speak, it has meant leaving a haphazard trail of upset people in your wake. You cannot write an interesting story without upsetting someone. It’s impossible. I think, with the advent of the Internet, more and more people are coming to discover the dangers of writing. People have lost their jobs over things they’ve written on networking sites and so on. In some ways I’m glad, because people may begin to realise what it’s always been like for writers. On the other hand, I hope it’s not something that removes some of the thrill of writing as a pursuit. On my blog, however, although I feel like I’m not as discreet as I really should be, I do notice that I mention less about my actual life than many bloggers. I feel, in that direction, I’ve probably revealed too much already. And my life is not very interesting, anyway. Not that I suppose my half-baked opinions are riveting.i remember when my oldest daughter told me never to publish her daughter’s image for fear she would be kidnapped.
    that kind of fear wasn’t something i inculcated into her mentality.I think if I had children, I wouldn’t put pictures of them on the Internet, not because of ideas of kidnap (I imagine that pictures on the Internet wouldn’t make much difference there). I think I just wouldn’t feel comfortable about it, somehow. I suppose I just have a vague feeling that the Internet is the grimy public world, and even exposing myself as I do, I am, to some extent, sullied. I wouldn’t like to do that to children if I had them. Is that a strange attitude? Someone has been brave enough to put their little sister on Youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBOOcpcTJBMTo me, YouTube is a kind of hell, in the Sartre, hell is other people sense. Thankfully, it seems there aren’t any unkind comments under this one from lobotomised Internet monkeys. I don’t know how Magibon takes it:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USJdK6vhxG0Actually, for some reason the comments showing on that one are fairly mild, but the kind of comments she usually gets, if it were me, I think I’d just cry, and then kill myself. There might be something featuring me on YouTube soon, actually, so we’ll see if that actually happens.

  7. “I came to the conclusion that all teenage girls should be played, in real life, by men in their thirties, and all men in their thirtes, should be played, in real life, by teenage girls.”Hmm… so, if I join the upcoming talent show, would you consider lip-synching & putting on a show, while I stand behind and just sing? ( a sort of “Singin’ in the rain” sort of thing)? Not the same as body swapping, but still fun, I think…I bet we’d win ;D

  9. Hmm… so, if I join the upcoming talent show, would you consider lip-synching & putting on a show, while I stand behind and just sing? ( a sort of “Singin’ in the rain” sort of thing)? Not the same as body swapping, but still fun, I think…That sounds great. What song would we do? Here’s one that was used in the film:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_gRGwxLAUUI think I could put some feeling into that.

  11. I’d forgotten about that picture. I realise it wasn’t that long ago.Any other song recommendations are welcome. Perhaps Pygmalism by Momus. I don’t think I can link to that, though.

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