It's like fifty thousand painkillers
When all you need is a parakeet
It's the free margarine offer
When actually you prefer butter
It's like cutting your wife's head off
When you're the head of a TV channel dedicated to combatting stereotypes of Islam
It's like complaining that you're fat
After you've just eaten your best friend's cat
It's like being dressed up as a narwhal
When the invitation specifically stated that the party was to be free of narwhal-related costumes
It's like inventing a new language
Only to discover that the Welsh already speak it
It's like being Renfield and hating the taste of flies
It's like opening a supermarket
And then being told you're not a celebrity
And have been sectioned for some time under the mental health act
It's like imitating Lovecraft and coming up with something really original
It's like playing the tuba really well
At an interview for a job in sanitation
It's like pressing the button on the pelican crossing
Only to realise too late that it is in fact the trigger
Of a nuclear warhead that someone put there by mistake
It's like working in a bank
And being a really nice person
It's like being accused of necrophilia
When actually you're a coprophile
It's like liking Monty Python, but only ironically
Or is it?
It's like a giant water flea suddenly possessing the body of the priest and demanding stricter laws on pollution
On your wedding day,
When you're a dolphin.
It's like being a disturbed German businessman who only wants to be eaten
And finding that you've ended up at the vegan meeting by mistake
Rather than the cannibalism one
And then making some really good friends there
Who go on to betray you later so egregiously that you actually
End up eating them
It's like being a teacher
And being able to do it, too
It's like writing a blurb for a book
When the blurb becomes more famous than the book
But not getting paid for it
And ending up very bitter, and then happy, and then marrying a goat
It's like hurting your knee very badly
In a game of poker
When you're a plumber
And you haven't got any legs
It's like being a champion pogo-stick bouncer
In the vacuum of outer space
It's like doing a really good impression of David Brent
When you're David Brent
It's like an awkward silence at the dinner table
In a monastery where everyone has taken a vow of silence
It's like being a postmodernist
In the age of postmodernism
It's like being an underwear fetishist
In a nudist colony
A little too ironic,
Yeah, I really do think.
I could carry on…
Anonymous writes:Funny. I liked a lot of what you came up with. I’ve come up with a couple… Is it like capital punishment for attempting suicide? Dropping bombs to save lives?
It’s not like a black fly in your Chardonnay?
Is it like capital punishment for attempting suicide?Yes, I like this. I almost put a suicide line in: Like attempting suicide when you’re already dead.It’s not like a black fly in your Chardonnay?Who could have given you that idea?
I realise, of course, that not all the items I’ve listed are actually ironic. Some of them are just silly. For instance, playing the tuba really well at an interview for a job in sanitation is merely inappropriate, and would probably only become ironic if the interviewer just happened to be president of the We-Hate-Tubas Society, or something like that.At least my hit rate is higher than that of Alanis Morrissette.For instance:”It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take.”Should really be something like:”It’s the good advice that you just didn’t takeWhen you have been following other people’s advice religiouslyAll your life, but have finally got fed up with the painful consequencesAnd vowed never to take anyone’s advice againLike, a second before you were actually given the first good advice everAnd, ignoring it, went through the wrong doorway, and died.”Some of the lines in Morrissette’s song are just puzzling:”It’s a free ride when you’re already there.”I’m trying to picture the scene:Alanis is walking along the pavement and comes to a halt. Just then, a car pulls up next to her. “Hi, Alanis. Where are you going?””Here. I’ve already arrived. I’ve been invited for coconut pyramids at the Methodist church just here on the right.””Would you like a lift?””What, a lift to here?””Yeah, hop in. We’ll be there in no time. I won’t charge you anything this time.””No, that’s all right. I think I’ll walk.””Suit yourself, ice queen.”
haha. You reminded me of this – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttwb14w0j58
Poor Alanis, she must get this a lot.I’m the proud owner of a copy of Jagged Little Pill somewhere. I wonder if, somewhere, Alanis is sitting saying, “But that’s what I meant. It’s ironic because none of it’s ironic.”I hope so.
I’ll see what I can do. Now, I must take the afternoon air and seek solace there.
yup positive 🙂 carry on.. 😀
fantastic eXamples :lol:carry on :p 😆
Carry on? Are you sure?