Posted on by qscrisp

Metta

Back in September, I spent ten or so days on retreat, meditating in a place called Dhamma Dipa. As a result of this, certain internal conflicts that have been with me for many years seemed to come to a head, and I 'formally rejected Buddhism', on this blog, in fact. It just seemed like something I had to do.

Since then I have noticed something. Unfortunately, it's not something that I am prepared to talk about in any detail here, but I can give the gist of it. I have changed on account of those ten days of meditation – I am somehow sure that the change started there. It is not a big change, but it is quite distinct to me. There are very specific, measurable signs of it.

While I was on retreat, the teacher of the Vipassana meditation, via his nightly DVD discourses, mentioned in passing – as it seemed – that if you found the Vipassana technique helped you in any way, you should give thanks to the Buddha, who developed the technique in the first place. While I do not retract my sincere rejection of Buddhism, since I made that rejection publicly, it seemed to me that I should at least give credit where it is due and also, publicly, express my gratitude. So, thank you Gautama – much appreciated.

This leads me on to a few things. Well, at least a couple of things. The first of these is that, even after my rejection of Buddhism, I have found myself again recently struggling with what might be described as variant forms of Buddhism that stress something like the indifference of the cosmos to humankind, the worthlessness of humankind, and so on. It seems that there are some who claim the only significant change is a kind of catastrophic enlightenment, which effectively seems to place you outside the rest of the human race in some way. Well, to this I say balls. I assert that even a small change is worth making and that even a small difference is still a difference. Yes, even a difference within the much-derided human identity rather than one that obliterates it.

The second of these is my own notion of metta, though perhaps I'm not even worthy to use such a word.

In 1992, at the Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert, after singing a rendition of Heroes, David Bowie knelt at the front of the stage and recited the Lord's Prayer. I didn't see it at the time. Just a few years later, when I was at university, someone described this event to me for some reason, adding that he found it very distasteful. I asked him why, and he replied simply that the Lord's Prayer was Christian and therefore distasteful. Although I had not seen the footage myself, when I had heard of the incident, the very last thing on my mind was that it was distasteful. I couldn't understand the knee-jerk reaction that anything associated with Christianity must be bad. Needless to say, this leaves no room to experience the actual meaning of particular words, events and so on. It actually seemed to me that kneeling and reciting the Lord's Prayer at a benefit gig was a quintessentially Bowie thing to do – oddly dramatic and unsettling, but not distasteful.

Actually, I've always liked the Lord's Prayer, but then I have the benefit of not having been brought up within any denomination, and therefore do not see the words as doctrinal:

Forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us

Isn't this just a way – a simple and profound way – of saying, "We're all imperfect, so let's call it quits and move on"?

So, this, below, is my prayer, my rather ragged version of metta:

If anyone is listening…
There is nothing more difficult
And nothing more mysterious
Than the disparity between dream
And daily life.
Much as I try, I cannot fathom it.
Why are we burdened with dreams and memories
The very beauty of which argues for their truth,
Only to be reminded repeatedly that they are lies?
I wait in hope of an answer.
Therefore, in the meantime,
For all those who are estranged from one another
May that estrangement itself seem strange again.
For all fleeting daydreams,
May you find a secure niche in eternity.
For all who follow the work of this or that 'artist'
May the next work of this or that artist be
His or her very best till the one after that.
For all who are waiting,
May it be for good news.
For all who have lost their looks,
May you smile and discover them again.
For all who are dying
May your last moments be shared by someone
Not keen to fill you with their own fears,
And able to treat you as really and wholly human, for once.
For all who are still very young
May you trust your own foolishness
Rather than the dour and looming foolishness of the world.
For all who are in between and unappreciated,
May you be remembered by a very pleasant kind of justice.
For all who are remarkably beautiful,
May you not suffer from abuse and envy.
For all with work to do,
May you find unguessed reserves of energy
That turn the task into a lively fascination.
For all who have glimpsed something unutterably sweet
May it not be too good to be true.
For all who express their spirit in playful perversion
May the human race lose its fear.
For all who are turned to stone by ideas and beliefs
May you remember who you are.
For all who are beyond my comprehension
May I be within yours.
For all who are not human
May you regard us with the philosophical condescension
With which much of the world regards the United States.
For all who suspect, with embarrassment and terror
That they might well be insane,
You may as well watch this video clip.
For all those who are accused of being elitist,
May the standards of the world rise to meet you.
For all those who are bored,
May boredom itself become almost unbearably exciting.
For all who have never known love,
May you find an expert on the subject.
For all those who are chronically contrarian in their tastes,
May you find that happiness is always out of fashion,
Or else that fashion is out of fashion.
For those who have been fighting,
May you find something to do that is actually better.
For those who feel excluded
May you be the centre of your own inclusion.
There's always more,
But on a personal note
There is a little blue star
That is called 'the Promise'
And I hope that it is kept.

17 Replies to “Metta”

  1. Buddhism is a philosophy, go ahead reject whatever you don’t like about it. It’s good to question. I hope you’re not rejecting Vipassana though! I’ve been on the same retreat and it really changed me for the better. I also have a Vipasanna teacher here whom I see once a week. Sometimes I don’t always agree with his discourse, but mostly I find something useful to concentrate on for the week. A small difference is indeed a worthwhile difference.

  3. Quentin – Excellent blog delivering your honest opinion which I respect. I have sincerely attempted something similar as a suggested response to a problem in my life. I couldn’t accept God, Spirituality whatever you wish to call it. My happy and personally satisfactory conclusion was that I’m comfortable being described as a Agnostic Theist. I don’t object nor interfere with other individuals beliefs but also simply don’t care whether or not “God” exists. When I have traveled around the Far East I have visited Buddhist Temples and read several books on the philosophy/religion. My conclusion – I don’t wish to offend anybody as this is only my opinion – I thought it overly mystical, overly monastic, idealistic or secular. Much was in my opinion yet-another self-fulfilling religion of superstition, assumptions and pseudo-psychology.Despite this, Buddhist mentality and intelligence is bettered by no other religion perhaps, and Buddhism is not a danger to anyone, an aid to many, and given its history it will always remain a force for long term social good.If you found it as a source of “healing” and made progress in a seemingly impossible personal dilemma then that’s great. In my way I gather the information I want and pragmatically believe that at some point my human logic and willpower eventually sooner or later supplies a solution.Some form of “God” may exist but I’m not the person to spend my ever decreasing time alive looking for it. Rob.

  4. Buddhism is a philosophy, go ahead reject whatever you don’t like about it. It’s good to question. I hope you’re not rejecting Vipassana though! I’ve been on the same retreat and it really changed me for the better. I also have a Vipasanna teacher here whom I see once a week. Sometimes I don’t always agree with his discourse, but mostly I find something useful to concentrate on for the week.No, I’m not rejecting the meditation, although I must admit I did not manage to keep it up for very long after my return from the retreat. To reject something, anyway, is not to say that it is wrong, but that it is wrong for me. But if there’s one thing I do like about Buddhism it’s that there are many prominent figures within the tradition who have understood the importance of critical rejection. Do you think you’ll ever share more about the personal experience that changed your views on Buddhism?I read your post. I’ll probably comment on it later. I was writing an essay on what happened to me during the retreat, but I think the driving force of the essay was the conflict that had been intensified in me by the retreat. My spontaneous (as it seemed to me) rejection of Buddhism, which was not really a conscious decision, but the outcome of the collapse of that conflict, put an end to the tension that had driven me, and it seemed less imperative that I explore the conflict in all its particulars. I’d still like to finish the essay, however, if I get the time. Basically, I think that people have different natures and that each must be true to his or her own nature. Buddhism, curiously, seems at variance with this. I find it oppressive for this reason. I am actually interested in difference and diversity, and less interested in the idea that ‘we’re all the same, really’. After all, it’s the idea that we’re all the same – surely? – that has allowed many to make claims about the universality of their beliefs. Whatever my own ‘beliefs’ might be, I’m not even inclined to try and define them for the sake of others. I don’t think we’re obliged to put our beliefs on show for inspection, even if that were possible. My beliefs are, anyway, organic – part of my organism. Why should they conform to some kind of universal standard? And yet, language seems to trick people again and again into thinking that they can make absolute pronouncements on this and that. It is language, it seems to me, that leads to most or all of the failures of religion. Once a person identifies a set of beliefs as Christian, for instance, it’s as if they have copyrighted the truth (I use the word ‘truth’ here for the sake of convenience). To use the word ‘Buddhist’ in a self-identifying way is the same. And once people have copyrighted the truth, that means they have put a fence round it. And once you put a fence round something it is limited, and being limited is smaller than the unlimited universe of which it is part. And, being smaller than the universe, it can no longer be the truth. In short, no one owns the truth. No one can copyright it.I have sincerely attempted something similar as a suggested response to a problem in my life. I couldn’t accept God, Spirituality whatever you wish to call it. My happy and personally satisfactory conclusion was that I’m comfortable being described as a Agnostic Theist. I don’t object nor interfere with other individuals beliefs but also simply don’t care whether or not “God” exists.There’s a line I’ve quoted before from a Hefner song that goes something like: “I used to think it was our politics, not the way we treat people, that tells us who we are/I was wrong”.You could also substitute ‘religion’ for ‘politics’. It seems to me that we all exist in a kind of labyrinth, and, being born at different times, under different circumstances, into different bodies, we are in different parts of that labyrinth. If I might stretch this analogy in a slightly unweidly way, conversations about beliefs often resemble one person saying, “No, no, no, you really have to turn left and then right”, and the other saying, “No, that’s nonsense. Can’t you see, it’s left and then left?”, when, in fact, since they are in different places, different directions apply. Nonetheless, some form of cogitation seems inevitable, since we are all still in the labyrinth. I suppose we just have to realise the directions that work for one section of the maze don’t work for the whole, and probably are not true for all time. It might be possible to develop some principles that are true for whatever part of the labyrinth you happen to be in, but I’m not sure on this point.

  5. I’ve been a Buddhist for many years, and I’ve never heard any of the things you’re talking about here. I’m what I describe as a Non-Sectarian Buddhist, so that probably has a lot to do with it.All that seems very complicated, so much so that I don’t really want to comment on the specifics. I think whats important to note about Buddhism is that Buddha never intended everyone in the world to live like Monks in a temple. Monks live in temples because the sincere pursuit of Enlightenment is next to impossible outside of them. These very deep thoughts about Buddhism can be very useful and to certain people, at certain times, provide a lot of insight and growth, but they were never ment for discourse in the general public. Don’t waste a lot of time debating or stressing about extinguishing your desire. That’s my advice.

  7. Originally posted by BlackBuddha2:These very deep thoughts about Buddhism can be very useful and to certain people, at certain times, provide a lot of insight and growth, but they were never ment for discourse in the general public. Don’t waste a lot of time debating or stressing about extinguishing your desire. That’s my advice.True … Rob

  8. My teacher says it’s impossible to not feel desire. If we haven’t it how could we eat? Or make babies? :p Just don’t get overly attached to these cravings and you’ll be much happier.

  9. I think whats important to note about Buddhism is that Buddha never intended everyone in the world to live like Monks in a temple. Monks live in temples because the sincere pursuit of Enlightenment is next to impossible outside of them. These very deep thoughts about Buddhism can be very useful and to certain people, at certain times, provide a lot of insight and growth, but they were never ment for discourse in the general public.I suppose I have been living, to some extent, like a monk, which may explain why I have been preoccupied by such things. Hopefully that will change, however, either gradually, or suddenly.My teacher says it’s impossible to not feel desire. If we haven’t it how could we eat? Or make babies?Well, the second of these is, thankfully, a non-issue for me, but theoretically, I have pondered this. If the ultimate goal is not to be reborn, the corollary of this is the earthly extinction of the human race. I think I know all the arguments in favour of that, too, but it seems somehow a little unbalanced for something that is touted as ‘truth’ rather than ‘attitude’.However, I suppose all of these things are endlessly open to interpretation. I make the interpretations natural to me, and respond, also, as is natural to me.Having said that, I think – I hope – that I am increasingly less interested in conflict, even of an ideological kind. In the lyrics of this song mention is made of “the game of time”:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-MUD3GW45oIncreasingly, it seems to me that it’s a game that’s not worth playing. If I can cease and desist, so much the better.

  10. Originally posted by quentinscrisp:Having said that, I think – I hope – that I am increasingly less interested in conflict, even of an ideological kind. In the lyrics of this song mention is made of “the game of time”:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-MUD3GW45oIncreasingly, it seems to me that it’s a game that’s not worth playing. If I can cease and desist, so much the better.Quentin – I certainly don’t want conflict in my life either. The game of life is always worth playing – although there are days in my little world when life is a disaster. They pass and thankfully I remain sanguine to life’s travails.For example just over three years ago I had dental bridge work. I spent thousands and it’s already beginning to fail. So I shall be suing that dentist and that process started yesterday. I am resigned to be using a denture for the rest of my life – something I could become upset about as I look after my teeth (apart from an accident in my early teens which resulted in this) – but I found a very professional new dentist and I trust him. So let’s carry on.Back to the real substance of your blog. I looked into spiritual solutions and rejected there usefulness one by one. They don’t work for me – but if you find something that’s great. As for modern day mystics like Eckhart Tolle I think this is mumbo-jumbo. I have a friend who constantly refers to the “power of now” and “living in the moment of now” – gibberish to me but seems to work for him.Similarly as you know I attended Alcoholics Anonymous some time back. That too is open to criticism – however I will always be truly grateful to all who knew me there as the event acted as a trigger to change direction on that front. It’s relevant here as if you didn’t know the AA way is offer a spiritual solution to one’s drinking problem. I used AA my way and moved on.I love David Bowie so many thanks for the link.My philosophy is to respect others, try and understand how they see things and understand it is you who needs to find a way to bridge that gap between us. There are always miles and miles of divergent interests between each one of us – how you bridge that gap is key – you do however have a choice whether you want to or not. It’s simple and it has works for me.If you are interested where I learnt this then read – Getting Together: Building a Relationship That Gets to Yes by Roger Fisher. Actually read anything by Roger Fisher – a genius at understanding communication. For me communication is key.Rob

  11. Hello Rob.Well, I’m not sure about the game of life. I think it would be futile to debate whether that’s worth playing, but I do feel at least reasonably confident that ‘the game of time’, is not. As to what I mean by that, I suppose I haven’t defined it that well for myself, but I do think that I, like many or most people, am waiting for the right conditions before I really move on and start living. There’s no point in waiting for those conditions, I think. That’s what I meant.I’ve read a couple of Tolle’s books. In fact, I’ve read a great many self-help books of one kind or another. At this point in time, I’m not sure what to say about Tolle. I’m not sure if I need to say anything. I think that the most suspicious thing about him is simply that he appears to have made a great deal of money from what he’s done. However, I don’t get a bad feeling from his words, particularly. I don’t detect any hidden agendas, and I did actually find them more intelligently written and less flakey than many other books in the same kind of area.Regarding Bowie – in recent years I’ve lost faith in the idea that he’ll ever produce anything essential again. However, on the occasions that I stray into the world in which people think that Joe McElderry is a great singer, I think to myself, My God, how can I nitpick about Bowie not being as good as he was when he changed the entire face of popular music, made it acceptable for straight men also to be gay, and so on? The likes of Joe McElderry and ‘even’ Girls Aloud, Lady Gaga, etc., are mere puke upon the boot-toes of pop culture, to be brushed aside with a handy-wipe soon enough.I’m so glad that RATM beat the latest muppet no. 1. I don’t care how petty it is.

  12. Quentin – Great line – Originally posted by quentinscrisp:The likes of Joe McElderry and ‘even’ Girls Aloud, Lady Gaga, etc., are mere puke upon the boot-toes of pop culture, to be brushed aside with a handy-wipe soon enough.I’m so glad that RATM beat the latest muppet no. 1. I don’t care how petty it is.I couldn’t agree more. Christmas is almost upon us – I shall work over Christmas – I think along the lines of loneliness although paradoxically I do enjoy my own company – but many who know me consider me very sociable and extroverted – I just switch off come Christmas day and the festive period – I’ll phone or text or maybe Skype friends and family – I think about this from The Waste Land by T. S. Eliot – We think of the key, each in his prisonThinking of the key, each confirms a prisonMillions create imaginary friends via the Internet – although some like you are intelligent, relevant and a joy to correspond with – you are rare. So I’ll be elsewhere seeing real people when I can as you will be for the next ten days or so. I do hope you have a Happy Christmas and a prosperous New Year – hopefully see you here in the New Year. I hope so.Rob

  13. I hope you have a good time with real people as well as on your own, when perhaps you can also rest from the demands of having a good time.I’m off now to think about various keys.

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