Come to think of it, that'll probably be the title of the next… something that I write.
I've been trying to fill in a form of the many-paged official variety. By which I mean, I have gazed at those questions that I still haven't completed, and found myself turning to stone, sitting for long, stretching minutes on end without doing anything, and quickly losing the will to live.
Nothing saps the life force like having to fill in a form. Human beings were not designed to fill in forms. We were designed to leap about on mountain crags and stroke friendly linnets beneath their beaks and wrestle each other playfully in the plunge-pool of a crystalline waterfall, and, ultimately, to stage some kind of prog rock event, like this:
I'm not going to list which questions on this form are particularly nefarious, perfidious, invidious and ridiculous, for fear that I shall be instantly arrested.
When I think about it, one of the greatest acts of evil ever was the first census. I pronounce a curse on the commissioners and compilers of the Domesday Book. For it to be known exactly how many people there are, what their names are, where they live, how wealthy or poor they are, what their livings, habits and movements are – all this is evil. It is an evil now reaching its apogee with the kind of satellite surveillance technology that brings us Google Earth. And I have heard from someone privvy to military conversation, that a certain military gentleman, when asked whether or not it is true that you can read a car number plate from space, responded, "Ah, well, it's not only pictures… it's sound."
If paradise comes, you shall know it first by this sign: There shall be no forms to fill in.
Nor shall there be other kinds of surveillance, whether satellite or CCTV.
The announcement on the train: "For your safety and convenience please shop any suspicious looking weirdos and foreigners to a member of the train staff. Thank you."
For whose convenience and safety? Whose is the warehouse surrounded by security cameras and guard dogs? In what way does it does it contribute to the security or freedom of my life, or yours?
On a related note, I was present at an interesting conversation recently. Someone who had fallen to Earth some time ago and has perhaps been galled by the manacles since that time, expressed hatred for the television show, Mythbusters. He mimicked the ethos of the programme thus: "Hey kids, wouldn't it be great if this were true, but, guess what, it's not!" The opinion was expressed that the makers of the show were probably government lackeys of some kind. Destroyers of dream and imagination.
I haven't watched the show myself. Here's a clip where, rather than trying to disprove something, they are taking the perhaps interestingly atypical stance of trying to uphold something as truth:
CB writes:When my twins were diagnosed with ASD I had to fill in two 60 page forms. Each one required intense detail. And even though my boys are identical, they insisted I fill in a form for each child. It took two whole days – about fifteen hours in total – to complete these forms and collate the supporting documentation which had to accompany the forms. It was a gruelling Kafkaesque torment. I think it has led to a new phobia e.g. my fear and loathing of form-filling. I think you reach an age or point in life when form-filling can lead to much dread. Children in contrast love completing forms. My daughter delights in completing forms and questionaires. Anyway, best of luck with the paperwork. And do be paranoid that ‘they’ are out to trip you up, because they are.
I think one of my first intimations of the horror of bureaucracy came when, at secondary school, we were given cards with our national insurance numbers on them. I really cannot describe the sense of dread and chill this gave me. When I walked home from school that day, I took the new card with my name and number on it from my pocket, and looked at it, and, wondering what terrible thing would happen to me as a consequence, dropped it in the gutter and walked away.Those 60 page forms sound like complete nightmare. I wonder who devises these things.Anyway, I managed to send me form off yesterday. I still have to send follow-up documents, though.