I Know How I Feel about Putao

This is the part of the programme where I pretend to be singing a karaoke version of a popular song and to accidentally get the words wrong in an 'ironic' or 'humorous' way to distract the reader from the fact that I just actually want to be the actual singer.

So, my karaoke version of About You Now is below. I'm afraid I've relied more on the Miranda Cosgrove version for my parody, but I'll include the Sugababes version as an embedded clip, for reference:

I Know How I Feel About Putao

Should I buy this thong? You decide.
Is it appropriate garb for a long mountain hike?
Does it go with my new shoes?
Could you hold this for me, Ben?
I want to try on this garment.
I want to be wearing something… see-through.

I don’t know what you’re doing
In the old Fort Hertz ruins
But I perceive your presence there by means of remote viewing
And I resolve that we must discuss our issues.

When I come to the crest of the mound,
Yes I know how I feel about Putao.
I intend when I arrive, it will surprise,
Therefore I’ve dressed to the nines to make you wow.

See my diamante-clad hands
Observe how I’m smothered with brands
Whose names all mean something deep to you.

I’m arrested by strangers
At an unfortunate stage in my journey
Just outside the village of Nam Htu Koo.

Can I call my friend Ben on your phone?
I think he might be able to explain my lack of the proper documentation. Yeah!
Though my thumbs don’t belong underground
That’s where they’ll be if I can’t get a signal,
Either that or in a stew, which I’m in too.

And I’m staked to the ground
Left for dead, and I frown,
But then I’m approached by a ghostly line of sambar.

They’re a maned Asian deer
And I’m glad that they’re here
‘Cause they tell me where you are.

Where the Japanese flag never flew
Yes, I know all about Nam Htu Koo.
I was young, I was blonde, I lived in town,
But I know how I feel about Putao.

Where an enclave of British held on
Yes I know how I feel about Putao.
And this stronghold is where I belong,
And together we can found a wildlife sanctuary right here now in Putao.